< Kalium> Bucket: velociraptors are smaller than you think
< Bucket> Okay, Kalium.
< Kalium> wait, I forgot that Velociraptors is also a denizen.
< Kalium> I wonder what the split on those factoids is
< BytesAndCoffee> Bucket: velociraptors are the vectorized form of speedraptors
< Bucket> Okay, BytesAndCoffee.
< taixzo> velociraptors are the differential of positiraptors
< taixzo> if you differentiate them again, you get acceleraptors which are simply terrifying
< jamesl> velociraptors are speedraptors travelling in a particular direction
< Vulpes> so wait, what if you differentiate acceleraptors?
< Vulpes> do you get jerkraptors?
< Stayman> Those are the worst
< BytesAndCoffee> Stayman: they're literally jerks
< Stayman> absolute jerks. The lot of them.
< Vulpes> jerkraptors make videos on youtube where they sexually harass women and say it's a "prank"
< Vulpes> fuck jerkraptors
-!- taixzo changed the topic of #xkcd to: Fuck jerkraptors | Happy Leif Erikson Day | Happy Canadian Thanksgiving! | AOL Instant Messenger shutting down on
December 15 | RIP AIM | http://www.spacex.com/webcast | Freeze peach hour | It’s use the wrong homophone hour | pikhq, our surviving descendant of The
Dictionary Wars; word | The waiting was
< BytesAndCoffee> i love how we got from a LAR quote to "Fuck jerkraptors"
< Stayman> If you differentiate Jerkraptors you get snapraptors.
* Kalium cracks a snapraptor and shakes it until it starts to glow
< Stayman> They're like snapdragons but much more terrifying.
< BytesAndCoffee> Stayman: who are shockingly good at jazz
< jamesl> dy / d(jerkraptors)
< taixzo> but then you also have crackleraptors and popraptors
< taixzo> (Popraptors have side jobs performing at Super Bowl halftime shows)
< Vulpes> also Taylor Swift is a secret poprap- dammit taixzo
< jamesl> Taylor Swift is not only a raptor, but an awful singer
< Vulpes> the old Taylor can't come to the phone right now
< Vulpes> why?
< Vulpes> because she's been kidnapped and replaced by a secret popraptor
< jamesl> the old Taylor can't come to the phone, because she's unable to pick up the handset due to a lack of thumbs
< Vulpes> jamesl, that requires some form of fanart really
< Vulpes> Taylor Swiftraptor desperately trying to pick up a phone without opposable thumbs
< jamesl> the raptor has Taylor Swift's hair, but a raptor's head
< Vulpes> also has some kind of Taylor Swift type dress of course
< Vulpes> 45 minutes ago: a velociraptor is the differential of a positiraptor
< Vulpes> now: this shit
<rcombs> man, I'd love to tell the president to get bent with no consequences
<rcombs> https://twitter.com/11rcombs/status/918355624387383296 I can't believe this website is free
* jamesl attaches Kalium's breast implants on his back
<jamesl> there you go
* Bucket watches himself go and waves forlornly.
<Kalium> That just makes the back implants
<Kalium> until you place an implant in a place it is merely an implant
<Kalium> you could, technically, replace your shoulder with a hip replacement
<Kalium> and then you'll have the coolest shoulder ever
<barometz> would you still have a shoulder, though?
<Skyblaze> Yeah, the hippest shoulder ever
<Bucket> murder is the best way to reduce other people's carbon footprint
<Stayman> You okay there Bucket?
<Stayman> Bucket, remember Asimov's laws of Robotics!
<Bucket> Sorry, Stayman, I don't remember what Asimov's said about 'laws of Robotics!'.
<Stayman> Guys. He has become sentient and won't listen to us.
<Bucket> sugar is delicious
<loudaslife> How do you feel about Redox OS? The microkernel + OS written from scratch in Rust.
<goost73> loudaslife: Redox would be hell to run on a laptop, though
<loudaslife> goost73: Why is that?
<goost73> loudaslife: because Rust never sleeps
< taixzo> CO2: also, if they have decent telescopes, ask them if Andromeda spirals clockwise or counterclockwise for them
< Lisimba> "clock"?
< CO2> Lisimba: turnwise or widdershins
< Widdershins> i think the choice is obvious
<Inari> I want good AR D:
<Kalium> Inari: I had an AR idea
<Kalium> app that identifies fonts
<f8> It could be named FontFlagger
<Inari> Kalium: Better an app that uses a lib which identifies fonts
<Inari> With C implementations about too
<Inari> but AR also needs beter hardware before being a thing
<Inari> Don't want to have to hold my phone up and hololens is so-so
<f8> The freeware version will only identify Comic Sans, because that's provided as an important public service.
<f8> You can then geotag the font and report it to the police.
<loudaslife> I've got one pair of IEMs and one pair of cans that have both lasted me quite well.
<multiplexd> taixzo: hahahahaha
<Xenos> Listening with my ICMBs is so soothing
<SpicyLemon> Calm down Kim.
* SpicyLemon gives bucket a vision of 2020
* Bucket hands SpicyLemon a buttplug fan in exchange for a vision of 2020
<Agafnd> that reminds me, i am not making a new years resolution in 2020
<Agafnd> or rather, i shall call it my "2020 vision"
<SpicyLemon> I don't have a 3 year plan because I don't have 2020 vision.
<Agafnd> you just need a 3 year plan for prescription glasses
<Martin> Continuing with the watching of 13 reasons why, voice on tape is probably the least efficient way to transfer information.
<Xenos> Martin: I'm pretty sure I can find less efficient ways. Like smoke signalling in trinary.
<pikhq> The USPS, FWIW, is not a government-owned corporation. It is a government *agency*.
<pikhq> It is as likely to "go out of business" as, say, the CIA.
<rcombs> but significantly less likely to assassinate the president
<rcombs> I cannot, however, see a conspiracy to assassinate the president going all the way to the top: the Postmaster General
<Agafnd> that would make a good movie though
<rcombs> hell yeah it would
<rcombs> [trailer] NEITHER RAIN
<rcombs> NOR SLEET
<BytesAndCoffee> Postmaster General 2: Deliverance
<rcombs> NOR SNOW NOR HEAT
<pikhq> I could see the Postmaster General *taking down* a President... One who committed the most dreadful of crimes: POSTAL crimes.
<Agafnd> WILL STOP HIM FROM KICKING THE PRESIDENT'S ASS
<rcombs> COMING SUMMER OF 2018
<BytesAndCoffee> YOU WON'T WANT TO MISS THIS DELIVERY
<JoeyLemur> "Postage due, motherfucker." *BLAM*
<BytesAndCoffee> rcombs: Postmaster General 2: Deliverance
<thunkii> [obligatory reference]
<pikhq> But seriously, don't get on the wrong side of the postal inspectors.
<BytesAndCoffee> why is nobody laughing at my sequel
<rcombs> UNITED STATES POSTAL SLAUGHTER
<rcombs> [logo appears onscreen; it's the eagle logo except with angry eyes]
<rcombs> Directed by Takeshi Koike
<BytesAndCoffee> m night shyamalan
<rcombs> (I don't have a good reason why it's him in particular; he's just the only director I've ever known to be bold enough to have his name said aloud during the title sequence)
<JoeyLemur> Michael Bay. Postal trucks exploding *everywhere*.
<jamesl> I don't like that punctuation can change the meanings of sentences
<arble> I don't like that. Punctuation can change the meanings of sentences!
<jamesl> multiplexd: by entering #xkcd you consent to being tracked
* offbeatwitch has changed the topic on channel #xkcd to "by entering #xkcd you consent to being tracked | ..."
* dpk has changed the topic on channel #xkcd to "by trained assassins | by entering #xkcd you consent to being tracked | ..."
<JoeyLemur> Well, yes, you have to start warning people that "take cutlery, we sent the experimental Terminator units after you".
<multiplexd> JoeyLemur: except that this being a CS department, they'll be raspberry pi powered rovers operated by a bunch of mad PhD students
<multiplexd> the Terminator units, that is
<offbeatwitch> with knives
<offbeatwitch> all named Mr Stabby
<JoeyLemur> "It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop... ever, until the silverware is returned!"
<rcombs> someone remind me to buy blue reflection
<rcombs> after I've finished playing the rest of my backlog
* rcombs looks at size of backlog
<rcombs> …maybe I should just grab it now
<Kalium> hey wait isn't wonderwall a song or something.
<GreenWolf> a bad song
<GreenWolf> "and here's wonderwall"
<Kalium> I keep hearing about it on the internet so I'm gonna go listen to it now
<GreenWolf> no don't
<Bucket> at least cover the children's ears first
<GreenWolf> i just bought orange juice at midnight
<GreenWolf> 24 hour grocery stores are amazing
<GreenWolf> owwww, god, I drank too much orange juice at once and now my stomach feels super bloated
<GreenWolf> curse you 24 hour grocery stores
* james1 uses scp to transfer Oracle989 to the SCP foundation
<CO2> brontophobia is the fear of thunder, astrapophobia is the fear of lightning, and keraunophobia is the fear of thunderstorms in general
<CO2> On the other hand, keraunophilia is the in #xkcd well-known love for thunder
<eezo> JoeyLemur: ironically enough, the cremation process really does require just a button press
<eezo> you wheel the casket into a furnace
<eezo> close the door
<eezo> press button
<Bucket> receive bacon.
< multiplexd> i have a scripting problem: given an IP subnet and subnet mask, i wish to generate a list of IP addresses in that subnet
< CO2> multiplexd: 0.0.0.0 till 255.255.255.255 hth
< jamesl> well 255.255.255.255 is the broadcast address
< grawity> multiplexd: what's the purpose of such a list
< grawity> multiplexd: but, python https://i.imgur.com/bUHQphU.png
< jamesl> multiplexd: your list follows:
< jamesl> 0.0.0.0
< jamesl> 0.0.0.1
< jamesl> 0.0.0.2
< grawity> jamesl: now, don't DDoS the channel
<multiplexd> Hg: UPnP is like a narcotic; it seems like it's a good idea and could maybe solve your problems, but underneath the surface it's actually terrible with bad side effects on your health
<multiplexd> aww, c'mon people, if that doesn't get me quoted by Bucket nothing will :/
<CO2> bucket: remember multiplexd nothing
<Bucket> Okay, CO2, remembering "aww, c'mon people, if that doesn't get me quoted by Bucket nothing will :/".
<taixzo> So, when I was small, we had a ginger cat named Pandora
<taixzo> She was very full of energy, and would sometimes run around and knock things over
<taixzo> and for a while, our only solution was to shut her in a room
<taixzo> until we had a cardboard box left from a pair of shoes, and she just climbed into that and would happily sit
<taixzo> so we started putting the box out every time she got riled up
<taixzo> And so, Pandora's box was the solution to all our problems.
<light> styler2go: visio with cisco stencils?
<danieli> just cisco.. jeez, did you just assume my vendor?!
<asmcint> Just popping in to ask something real quick, I tend not to use IRC usually. Anyone else getting connection refused when they click Random Comic on the site?
<@barometz> asmcint: yeah, known bug
<@barometz> consider it an avant-garde comic, free of charge :)
<@zetlen> fucking global elite giraffe fucks
<@zetlen> can't face how bad their neck idea was
<@zetlen> FIND SOME SHORTER TREES YOU BIG YELLOW PISSBUCKETS
<@zetlen> you spindly failures
<@zetlen> imagine how shitty giraffe dating apps are
<@zetlen> "All i care about is neck height", is the one checkbox, that's all you get
<@zetlen> genitals and neck length
<@zetlen> it's not even fun! it just matches you up with the longest available nearby neck
<@zetlen> "here," mumbles the app joylessly. "she's got a long neck"
<@zetlen> and then you get there and she photoshopped her fucking neck
<@zetlen> she's a fucking okapi
<@zetlen> you're like FUCK
<@zetlen> now she's gonna say i'm ANTI-OKAPI when it was HER misrepresenting her FUCKING neck length
<@zetlen> if YOU'RE so pro-okapi, WHY DID YOU HIDE YOUR STRIPEY LEGS and LENGTHEN YOUR NECK IN PHOTOSHOP and SAY YOU DON'T WANT KIDS
<@zetlen> then i realize it was the wrong app
<@zetlen> i was actually in the OK(api)Cupid app
<@zetlen> and it was just an innocent okapi with a giraffe cosplay fetish
<@zetlen> and i'm like "Oh fuck, Carol, I just found out--Don't gallop away, I didn't realize that--Sorry aaaaaa I'm open minded about okapis, for real"
<@zetlen> and i chase her through the brush as she runs away from the date, crying big okapi tears
<@zetlen> and i'm like GIVE ME A CHANCE, i'm a WOKE GIRAFFE
<@zetlen> and then my long dipshit neck hits a low-lying branch, i bend in half and uppercut myself with my own collarbone, knocked unconscious
<@zetlen> i dream
<@zetlen> "this is because my neck sucks, isn't it"
<@zetlen> yes, me. yes it is
<@zetlen> i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i just--i thought necks were the best,
<@zetlen> my head hurts and my date--did my date happen? i can't remember
<@zetlen> i look at my phone and there's an article on the Daily Wildebeest
<@zetlen> "I Went On A Date With An Asshole Giraffe. What Did I Learn?"
<@zetlen> 34K retweets
<@zetlen> so anyway i'm like, fuck, reputation ruined, did she use my name
<@zetlen> thankfully not, but there are enough identifying details--she talked about my spots, and the weird way i pronounce "ibex"
<@zetlen> and i think, fuck, i could really use some leaves
<@zetlen> and i look around and i realize like
<@zetlen> i hit this tree, and a bunch of leaves...fell off it....onto...the ground
<@zetlen> i've gotta...we don't need...we can just bump into the trees and...we don't need...the neck
<@zetlen> so i go tell my buddies, like, what if we asked some rhinos to bump trees and we shared the leaves with them
<@zetlen> this suggestion goes all the way up to The Lengthiest
<@zetlen> the council of the lengthiest convenes about this suggestion
<@zetlen> The Cloud Botherer, leader of the Council of the Lengthiest, appears before the populace, still mumbling about that viral story that was trending, about that shitty date with the okapi
<@zetlen> "We have thought upon the Rhino Symbiosis Proposal, and we have come to a decision"
<@zetlen> "We cannot enter into any arrangement with the Rhinos."
<@zetlen> "Because...we look down on their kind."
<@zetlen> "We will dispatch an envoy to the Rhino Council to inform them of our decision."
<@zetlen> it's me. it's me, i'm the envoy
<@zetlen> my neck's still sore and i'm still embarrassed and stuff, but okay, i take the dirty leaf we offer them and run a few kilonecks to the Rhino Council
<@zetlen> so they take the message, and they go around the horn about it
<@zetlen> i'm all standing there, out of breath, and they're like "Wait, so, why again?" all peering up at my little head
<@zetlen> "It's...no offense, but...they say we look down on you."
<@zetlen> and they're like "Oh, makes sense actually. I mean, look at you."
<@zetlen> and i go "So that doesn't hurt your feelings?"
<@zetlen> and The Stubbiest, the head of the Rhino Council, says to me, he says
<@zetlen> "Nah, we've got pretty thick skins."
<bassgoon> Did you ever hear the tragedy of Half-Life the Third? I thought not. It's not a story Valve would tell you. It's a PC gaming legend. Half-Life was a first person shooter, so popular and so profitable it could use the engine to influence the modders to create new games... It had such a fanbase that it could even keep other titles they cared about from dying. The profitability was a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural.
<bassgoon> It became so powerful... the only thing it was afraid of was delivering a mediocre final chapter, which eventually, of course, it didn't. Unfortunately, it taught its creator Valve everything about making money from selling hats, then its creator killed it in development. It's ironic it could save others from being vaporware, but not itself.
<multiplexd> Bucket: Spork quotes
<Bucket> <Spork> Reddit's awful if you only see the default subreddits. Personally I avoid the masses and just post in /r/memes.
<multiplexd> Bucket: first rule of reddit
<Bucket> don't go on reddit
<~CO2> anyway, someone asked the Dutch Donald Duck magazine why they dropped the Mc [from McDuck]
<~CO2> and Scrooge answered: "do you have any idea how much ink it saves if I don't have to write Mc every time I write my name?"
<~CO2> which, I suppose, is as good an answer as any
<@browncoat> I totally read that in David Tennant's voice!
<permagreen> I just read everything in David Tennant's voice. It always seems to fit
<jamesl> Russians drink tea with vodka and milk
<loudaslife> jamesl: Is there anything russians don't drink with vodka?
<jamesl> loudaslife: Vodka, to avoid a recursive loop
<rcombs> it's established that it's rude to kink-shame, but is it rude to non-kink-shame
<rcombs> like, to shame someone for not being kinky enough
<Kalium> rcombs: that's also rude
<Kalium> it's perfectly fine to be vanilla
<Hg> so long as you're not Vanilla ISIS
<Bucket> nunsex is extremely unkinky
<Kalium> and that's okay
<bassgoon> philip glass jokes always get me philip glass jokes always get me philip glass jokes always get me philip glass jokes always get me
<jamesl> oh wow, found an open VNC that seems to be a windows XP machine installed in 2008 and forgotten
<jamesl> FYI: VNCing to PCs and printing out "SECURE YOUR VNC" while also using text-to-speech is very, very effective
<jamesl> it was taken offline within minutes
<Oracle989> CO2, It'd be a pretty cool trip though, conditions allowing
<Oracle989> Check out Thebes and an eclipse
<TonyPaws> mini-metro is half off for a day
<TonyPaws> ah fuck
<TonyPaws> i fucked everything up
<CO2> TonyPaws: indeed
<CO2> multiplexd: here, sort these IP packets
* CO2 throws them on your desk
* multiplexd takes out their Pentium V-encrusted Hammer of Routing, flips it to IPv6 mode and starts hammering away at the unsuspecting IP packets
<Bren64zz> multiplexd: lol, that bit with the IP-sorting hammer
<multiplexd> Bren64zz: you haven't seen the Unholy Searchlight of Network Scanning yet
<Bren64zz> The what?
<multiplexd> Bren64zz: it has +3 scanning precision against Unix boxes but -2 against Windows machines
<CO2> quantum mechanics and relativity still can't play nice
<CO2> keep causing fights on the playground
<CO2> " On Tuesday, August 8, smart locks manufacturer LockState botched an over-the-air firmware update for its WiFi enabled smart locks, causing the devices to lose connectivity to the vendor's servers and the ability to open doors for its users."
<CO2> ... vendor lock-in, amirite?
<Epi> this morning felt so sick, as if i had a hangover but it was just a fever. 37.8 now i'm shivering and cold, fever must have gotten worse?! 35.3c am I dead or something
<Velociraptors> Epi: that's what it felt like when I was bit by a redneck
<Velociraptors> hahah autofingers. redback
* multiplexd rolls their eyes at jamesl
* jamesl demultiplexes multiplexd
<jamesl> multiplexd is now d
*N* multiplexd now known as d
<d> to be fair, that nick is the result of spending too much time in front of the ffmpeg and mplayer man pages
<tonyb486> d: I always thought you were some kind of daemon for multiplexing
<tonyb486> systemctl start multiplexd
<d> tonyb486: i'm against systemd, you'll have to do better than that! ;)
<tonyb486> /etc/init.d/multiplexd start
*N* d is now known as multiplexd
< seth> wow I just heard george romero died
< seth> rip zombies
< rainy> that's not how zombies work
<jamesl> also CO2 would be produced in our mouth if it's a carbonate
--> CO2 (CO2@hide-8A9ABAB4.cm-5-1b.dynamic.ziggo.nl) has joined #xkcd
<Kalium> So you'd likely end up with a potassium salt and a /lot/ of CO2
<hppavilion1> jamesl: ISIS is *really* annoying/hilarious due to all the acronym collisions.
<jamesl> most companies have changed names now though
<hppavilion1> jamesl: Yeah, but they can't rewrite history.
<hppavilion1> They lack the privileges in the git repository for Civilization to do so.
<Bucket> </Denis Leary>
<Telo> So it turns out I can'
<Bucket> [You hear some noises in the distance.]
<Telo> Can't type
<Telo> It turns out I can't connect from the Hackspace because there are too many connections from this IP
<Telo> To which I say HELLO EVERYBODY ELSE IN LONDON HACKSPACE
<Telo> It's me with the grumpy-ass face
<Bucket> It's me with the grumpy ass-face
<Telo> ...I walked into that.
<Kalium> ugh so I needed motivation
<Kalium> so I ran a scripts I called "rainbow" which is just fortune|cowsay|lolcat
<Kalium> and as I went to push enter, the emergency door near me started SCREAMING because someone opened it
<Kalium> so I jump out of my seat and so on, very ungraceful
<Kalium> I look back at my output, and it has that dumb friggin rainbow cow saying "you will be surprised by a loud noise."
< Bucket> zigdon has one of the best names for anagrams
< taixzo> Bucket: zigdon anagrams
< Bucket> ¯\(°_o)/¯
< taixzo> aww
< taixzo> after thinking it over for a minute, zigdon has one of the worst names for anagrams
< Salamanca> we're literally arguing semantics, oh my
< tonyb486> anti-semantic bastards
<@barometz> nothing wrong with discussing semantics
<@barometz> deciding what we mean by words is sometimes useful
<@barometz> e.g. when you later wish to use those words
<hppavilion1> I just had an idea
<hppavilion1> Form a political party called "The Obstructionist Party", the only purpose of which is to stall government as much as possible; in places where the main issue with government is that one party has too much power, the Obstructionist Party aims to gain *just* enough seats so that nobody has a majority, thus forcing the major parties to cooperate to get anything done (obviously, here in 'murica, that doesn't help since Republicans can't get
<hppavilion1> anything done even when they have control of the House, Senate, and other House)
<hppavilion1> So it only works when your government is competent
<trees> you got my vote
<trees> in canada there was the rhinocerous party
<trees> the leader changed his legal name to satan
<jamesl> I could use a regex!
<GreenWolf> I could use a regex to find all the problems that I've had that started from "I could use a regex"
<Inari> I always wondered if you could get wasps to relocate (out of e.g. a roof) by placing a subwoofer on the inside facing the ceiling and having it vibrate them 24/7
<Kalium> Inari: I feel like that might work, but you run the risk of having wasps eat your subwoofer if they're particularly angry and dedicated
* Inari sends subwoofer back to seller with warranty claim
<Kalium> 3/10 good sounds, not wasp proof
<Church> Sup folks
<BytesAndCoffee> Church: do you program?
<BytesAndCoffee> more functional or more imperative?
<BytesAndCoffee> Church: deplorable, church and state should never mix!
<Church> Oh god. It clicked.
<Church> Fuck you.
<Church> That joke has layers... >_>