Smile )XKCDB

<tonyb486> I ordered a meter stick from Amazon in the middle of the night
<tonyb486> hmm ��
<ArdaXi> did you get drunk and develop a sudden craving for the metric system
<nobody> fuck the daily mail
<@alice> nobody: no, that sounds gross
<CO2> tonyb486: accept this gift
* Bucket can't find any appropriate gifts, so takes bad karma from CO2 for future gift giving.
<CO2> ...thanks
<Bucket> I am the alpha and the gamma. You, uh ... you might want to keep a safe distance.
<nobody> i am the mu and the sigma
<Lisimba> Alpha and gamma are no match for delta, the destroyer of health care systems.
<Bucket> pansexual is just inclusive of people who aren't completely defined by one gender or sex
<Cortana> <insert sexual attraction to pans joke here>
<Charlie> that community is deeply divided over cast iron vs. stainless steel
<loudaslife> with a splinter group focused on copper
<Agafnd> thats where being bi and pan comes in
<Charlie> using teflon was also controversial in the 1990s
<XanT> Copper pans are bimetallic to stop leeching.
* CO2 (, ) has joined
<tech_exorcist> hi CO2
<CO2> lo
<CO2> please do not confuse the Salvation Army with the Salivation Army
<Cortana> Charlie: my first job was crematorium
<Cortana> Charlie: human decomp smell is terrible
<Cortana> Charlie: human decomp is a terrible mixture of rotten flesh, rotten cabbage, rotten onion, with a slight hint of both acetone and garlic
<Cortana> so
<Cortana> not something you'd keep around
<nodoby> but the ashes don't smell, do they?
<Cortana> no, but you don't get to ashes without an exam
<Cortana> superficial as it might be, you don't shove a corpse into the oven without an exam
<Peng> So don't swallow an SD card full of porn?
<ditto_irl> I got high
<Bucket> That would be a good name for a band.
<@barometz> speaking of horse porn
<@barometz> haven't seen Jax184 in a while
<tech_exorcist> Bucket: please don't scare the shit out of me
<Bucket> I'm not hungry, thanks.
<Cortana> Tooth fairies are a smaller and friendlier subspecies of the larger and much more hostile bone fairies.
<tonyb486> we should all go into our own private irc channels to prevent the international spread of covid via irc
<tonyb486> don't ya know now that the 5g in the vaccine has connected our immune systems to the internet
* Thedarkb (~beno@32CFDF7B.E247F221.CC1DA792.IP) has left (Social distancing.)
<tonyb486> it can spread over irc and https now
<CO2> hello
<CO2> we've been trying to contact you about your extended cat warranty
<Ferris> do they come in stainless steel?
<Ferris> i don't want my pez dispenser falling apart after 20 packs
<stereo> ah yes the milspec pez, weighs 3lb cause it has depleted uranium in the bottom so it can't be knocked over, head in the shape of jfk
<bassgoon> ok, so CKIII is forcing me to click the worst button imaginable
<bassgoon> "The love a father feels for his daughter-concubine cannot be wrong!"
<Bucket> last thing i need is pickup lines.
<Peng> especially that one
<@alice> hehe "i'm anarco-communist in the sheets but socialist in the streets" is a good summary of my political leanings
<ditto_irl> "It's a double ended dildo. It doesn't belong to either of us, it belongs to both of us."
<tonyb486> why is it that now i feel like i'm 100% sure clippy porn exists
<tech_exorcist> the answer is one search engine query away
<tech_exorcist> (no, I'm not going to check)
<Lisimba> Yes but I'm afraid to make that query.
<tech_exorcist> understandable
<ArdaXi> I… confirmed that there is clippy porn
<CO2> I just choked on a sip of tea and now I'm dead
<ArdaXi> we've got a handful of companies handling political discourse now
<tonyb486> CO2: did your face slam down on your keyboard in such a way as to hit the keys 'I', ' ', 'j', 'u', 's', 't', ' ', 'c', 'h', 'o', 'k', 'e', 'd', ' ', 'o', 'n', ' ', 'a', ' ', 's', 'i', 'p', ' ', 'o',
a', ' ', 'a', 'n', 'd', ' ', 'n', 'o', 'w', ' ', 'I', "'", 'm', ' ', 'd', 'e', 'a', and 'd' in that order"?
<CO2> yes
<CO2> did you just type that out by hand?
<teatime> I've been procrastinating for 2 days to read an article on procrastination.
<ditto_irl> listening to music
<Bucket> "Listening To Music" would be a nice name for a band.
<tech_exorcist> Agafnd: no idea
* Bucket removes a deer's eyes
<tech_exorcist> what the fuck
<Bucket> I did that!
<katp32> just noticed my cat was in the basement, where he's not allowed to be
<katp32> and he had something he was batting around, and on closer inspection it was
<katp32> a single human tooth.
<katp32> I am... concerned..
<teatime> are you sure it's human
<teatime> do you have a dog
<katp32> yes, definitely human
<katp32> (there's a 90% chance it's someone's baby tooth that someone stuck in a box as a keepsake and forgot about, but there is a 10% chance the cat has discovered a human body hidden somewhere in the basement)
<katp32> that or the cat has been getting revenge for the teeth the vet pulled out
Branes has quit (Quit: Excuse me, my ports need a nap …)
<Thedarkb-Desktop> My car has just started leaking fuel, because apparently it's decided I've accumulated too much wealth or something.
<Char|ie> you know cars. notorious communists
<tech_exorcist> damn internet cars stealing our money for the govt!!! /s
<Agafnd> carmmunism
<CO2> tonyb486: please don't park your car in my living room. First of all, that's hella rude. Secondly, how did you get your car up to the 2nd floor?
<tonyb486> A crane
<CO2> seems inefficient
<tonyb486> It’s cheaper than a parking spot in Manhattan
<CO2> lol
<@Agafnd> IN A WORLD
<@tonyb486> FROM OUTER SPACE
<@Agafnd> IS GOING
<@tonyb486> TO WIN THE WAR
<@Agafnd> AGAINST
<@tonyb486> ADOLF HITLER
<@tonyb486> AS ADOLF HITLER
<@Agafnd> JOSH GAD
<@tonyb486> AS THE PENGUINSHIP 1
<@Agafnd> THIS TIME
<@tonyb486> IT'S PENGUINAL
<@Agafnd> wow this sounds like a good movie
<@tonyb486> i kno rite
<@tonyb486> lets call fox
<ThatBum> CO2: In california the water level of lake oroville is so low that it's about to knock offline the state's largest hydroelectric power plant
<Lisimba> They should have put their hydro plants in the sea, there's infinite water there.
<ArdaXi> Lisimba: just wait for climate change to cause the sea levels to rise, then use that!
<ditto_irl> but I do think fight club needs a reboot where the director finds some way to more clearly communicate that tyler durden's ideology leads to unnecessary suffering
<sr-> i think we need a fight club reboot where brad pitt realizes he's an old geezer now and chills the fuck out
<lilmisschaos> I want the fight club reboot where everyone is replaced with Bucket
<scgtrp> linguistic trivia: 'tempura' comes from the latin 'tempora' ('time'). it is an acknowledgement of the ephemerality of fried things
<Kliment> scgtrp: that's one of two theories, and the more popular one
<Kliment> scgtrp: the other one is that it comes from a portuguese word for "seasoning"
<scgtrp> wait what
<scgtrp> I was making shit up but this appears to be an actual thing?
<Kliment> scgtrp: yes
<Kliment> scgtrp: it's assumed to be an abbreviation of "quatuor anni tempora" which refers to days when no meat is eaten
<scgtrp> yeah, I have since looked it up
<scgtrp> I'm an accidental linguist~
<bassgoon> might get up to 100F in vancounver soon...that doesn't seem common
<katp32> using degrees fahrenheight to denote the temperature in a place that isn't the US is a sin
<Eighty> to do a sin you have to convert to radians first
<Isaac> tech_exorcist: little known secret, I am in fact my own, sentient, custom built computer
<tech_exorcist> ok
<@CO2> lol
<@CO2> tonyb486: help Isaac is getting sentient
<@tonyb486> dang
<@tonyb486> should i shoot him?
<@CO2> ...damn americans, always shooting first
<@tonyb486> hey look at least i asked
<@CO2> fair
<BytesAndCoffee> dzamie: what about dragon vore
<BytesAndCoffee> does it double-ding?
<dzamie> BytesAndCoffee: Nah, it's per-message
<BytesAndCoffee> lol
<dzamie> but dragon pred *is* the best kind of vore!
Eighty ( joined the channel
<BytesAndCoffee> mmm, endo dragon vore
<BytesAndCoffee> safe and cozy
<dzamie> comforted by gentle purrs spurred on by rubbing their belly
<BytesAndCoffee> Eighty: man, what a time to walk in
<dzamie> lol
<Eighty> im home
<Char|ie> i saw protein subunit open for correct horse battery staple once
<BytesAndCoffee> Char|ie: goddamit you made me think i was having a stroke for a second there
<Char|ie> BytesAndCoffee: in the proud canadian tradition: sorry
<BytesAndCoffee> Char|ie: how long have you lived in Canada, again?
<Char|ie> 17 years
<BytesAndCoffee> ah
<BytesAndCoffee> Char|ie: gonna need you to fill out forms 50RR-Y, M4-P13, and 077-4-W4 to officially accept that apology
<Char|ie> BytesAndCoffee: due to covid backlogs there'll be a processing delay of 3 to 5 business years
<Bucket> question. is anyone hungry?
<Agafnd> i just ate, Bucket
<Bucket> Oh. Well, that's good.
<Branes> AI isn't the future, AI is the past squeezed through multiple questionable algorithmic filters into an unwilling present.
<Lisimba> That's how humans have always made the future.
<Lisimba> Running the questionable filters on computers instead of meat brains doesn't make all that much difference in the outcome, we can just do a lot more of it.
<ArdaXi> ow, I thought I had a doctor's appointment to just get a diagnosis, ended up getting 2ml injected into my hand, do not recommend
<Agafnd> 2ml of what
<@barometz> of hand
<@barometz> ArdaXi was running low on hand
<Hobz> our anti-vaxx supervisor told us not to be guinea pigs and I'm upset that they would try to police my fursona like that
<Agafnd> it's only cannibalism if it comes from the cannibal region of France
<BytesAndCoffee> Agafnd: otherwise it's just sparkling vore
<Caffeine> My brain needs an OOM killer
<barometz> my brain needs the little death that brings process elimination
<IceKarma> barometz, ... every time you cum, God kills a process?
<woddf2> IceKarma: I see what you did there.
<Bucket> One. One entendre. Ah ha ha ha ha. Two! Two entendres! Ah ha ha ha ha!
<@Agafnd> apparently it's
<@Agafnd> world poetry day today
<@Agafnd> how awesome is that?
<@CO2> is that a haiku
<@Agafnd> it is meant to be
<@Agafnd> i don't know that it follows
<@Agafnd> all the haiku rules
<@CO2> Agafnd: I can write rhymes and rants without needing to lift up my pants
<@Agafnd> i can beat koopas and bowsers without needing to pull up my trousers
<@CO2> I can eat sausage and beans without needing to pull up my jeans
<@Agafnd> i can relax with ease with my slacks around my knees
<@CO2> I can chill without a care when I pull down my underwear
<@nobody> my hyperbole is hyped herbally and delivered verbally
<SpicyLemon> Holy crap. This is the most stable IRC connection I've ever had. I've been connected since Jan 22.
* Quits: SpicyLemon ( (Connection reset by peer)
<LiberalRedneck> when I was a kid my parents bought this portable word processor
<LiberalRedneck> the only problem was it had so little memory that if you wrote more than like one page it filled up
<Agafnd> thats called a typewriter
<BytesAndCoffee> im 5-nines gay
<BytesAndCoffee> exclusively attracted to men, with the exception of like, 2-3 women
<taixzo> so you have a few hundred thousand datapoints for that?
<soobnauce> sounds like fewer than 5 nines
<soobnauce> maybe 2 nines
<BytesAndCoffee> i mean im extrapolating my level of homosexuality to a theoretical 5-nines SLA
<soobnauce> BytesAndCoffee: and I'm contesting your claim of certainty
<BytesAndCoffee> soobnauce: im not disputing your doubt about my SLAs (Sexuality Level Agreement) estimation
<BytesAndCoffee> im merely explaining that its an extrapolation
<@barometz> as long as the SLA includes reimbursements for insufficient sexuality it's all good
<Bucket> Bots are not allowed to form unions.
<Revan343_> Bucket: Why not?
<Bucket> Do you want cops? Because that's how you get cops.
<Revan343_> ...I don't think that's how the union/cop relationship works
<Eighty> amazon recommended "books i may like": the communist manifesto, learning japanese hiragana and katakana, html and css: design and build websites, bushcraft 101: a field guild to the art of wilderness survival
<Eighty> brb, making the website for my commune in the wilds of japan
<Cortana> ...dear instagram, please stop suggesting I follow my dentist.
<BytesAndCoffee> Cortana: i guess you can't handle the tooth
<Cortana> fun fact: First electric rice cooker for domestic use went on the market in 1955. Toshiba, the company behind it, spent five years developing it.
<tonyb486> before that, how did people cook electric rice?
<tonyb486> atheist, btheist, ctheist, does it really matter?
<Charlie> yes. btheists worship buddha and ctheists, of course, worship cthulu
<Caffeine> Ugh
<Caffeine> I've been listening so much to the Hamilton soundtrack lately that everything I read in english I read as a rap
<@stereo> i got my desktop preassembled for a better price than the components on their own, the obvious downside is it's not all stuff i would have chosen
<@stereo> eg. 1TB wd black... not my goto large capacity drive
<bassgoon> stereo: nice, where'd you get your computer?
<@stereo> newegg
<Bucket> newegg is sketchy :\
<bassgoon> what brand
<Bucket> Fuck the man! Make your own!