Smile )XKCDB

<@Stereo> maybe it's like british centigrade, measured in shillings and pence
<@Stereo> and 240 degrees from freezing to boiling
<JoeyLemur> ...and that one call I still remember, having to verify the password, and having the woman on the other end being very embarassed about it...
* deadbug grabs popcorn
<JoeyLemur> Some variation of "fist fuck". It was the Atlanta metro, and I was cool with dealing with this rather liberal new world I was thrust into...
<JoeyLemur> It was my first job after moving out of my parent's house.
<Agafnd> i mean, a great deal of these are vulgar in some manner

<pikhq> Bucket: literal[*] rimshot
<Bucket> pikhq: Here's the full list (12):
<JoeyLemur> "rimshot", in of itself, to my now broken mind, sounds dirty
<pikhq> Yeah okay
* JoeyLemur has... seen things... you people wouldn't believe...
<Agafnd> ...a great deal of THOSE are vulgar in some manner
-- Topic for #xkcd is "What the Xenos!? | The "x" in xkcd stands for Xenos | Don’t be Xenosphobic | Got Xenos? | Got an idea for a topic change? Consider Xenos | Got loss edits? PM Xenos | Got stuff? PM Xenos | Give Xenos love | Give Xenos your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free."
* Lisimba gives Bucket a petard, for the hoisting of self
<Bucket> Okay, Lisimba.
<Xenos> Lisimba: Accept this gift
* Bucket gives a petard, for the hoisting of self to Lisimba. Enjoy!
<multiplexd> the next intel cpu vuln is out of the bag now
<pikhq> Is it that certain audio tones anywhere near the CPU will make the CPU boot into LOLNSAHAXXORZ OS?
<multiplexd> pikhq: i think you're breaking embargo by mentioning that specific one; i'm otherwise referring to the lazy FPU context switching side channel
<pikhq> multiplexd: LOL
< Cheez> Well I just had my friday ruined
< Cheez> looked at the clock and it's wednesday
<VictoriaB> hm, I've got some SERIOUS programming to do now
hppavilion1 fills VictoriaB's code with loss.jpg
<VictoriaB> hppavilion1: it's uh, already in there
<VictoriaB> there's a command on the twitchasketch to draw loss
<hppavilion1> VictoriaB: What the fuck is wrong with you
<VictoriaB> hppavilion1: I'm sorry
< permagreen> I have never typed out the letters ell oh ell in that order before and I don't intend to start now
< permagreen> Even if it did mean getting an F on that essay on the lollard heretics
< Xenos> Fruit wars!
* Xenos lobs a kiwi at eezo
* eezo drops a durian on Xenos' head
< Xenos> Eww
< Xenos> That stinks
* Xenos cleans himself off on eezo's shirt
< eezo> the joke's on you, I'm not wearing one
< Xenos> eezo: So you're saying I've been rubbing durian juice into your tender flesh?
< eezo> tender ?
< eezo> you have some weird ideas
< Xenos> Or something
< Xenos> eezo: How would you describe your flesh, then?
< eezo> dead inside(tm)
< Xenos> So... rotting?
* Xenos had no idea eezo was a zombie
< Xenos> I guess the durian might have improved your smell, then
* Xenos puts eezo into the resurrection machine
* Xenos pushes the button
< Xenos> eezo: Now you are living inside
<OracleMobile> So the supplier that sold me off spec materials just got shut down by the DEA
<OracleMobile> Turns out they were smuggling fentanyl in from China
<OracleMobile> I don't think I'm getting a refund
<BytesAndCoffee> where'd ferret and goat go?
<Bucket> furries are everywhere.
<rival> ping
<multiplexd> ICMP echo reply
<eezo> better than an ICBM reply :P
-!- OraclePhone(...) has joined #xkcd

-!- OracleTelephonic(...) has joined #xkcd
-!- OracleTelephonic(...) has quit "Quit: AndroIRC - Android IRC Client ( )"
<multiplexd> OracleTechnologic
<thunk> you're a telephony
-!- OracleMobile(...) has quit "Ping timeout: 180 seconds"
-!- OraclePhone(...) has quit "Ping timeout: 180 seconds"

<multiplexd> Oracle buys it, Oracle uses it, Oracle breaks it, Oracle fixes it, Oracle trashes it...
<Kizul> multiplexd: do they ever upgrade it?
<multiplexd> Kizul: well, they update it least
<multiplexd> Kizul: which is only half the battle, if you're using debian
<Kalium> Hmm, the oldest person I've been friends with on-line is probably that 65 year old furry dude
<Kalium> he's like, 70 now, I guess
<Rob1992> how much is that in human years tho :p
* VictoriaB gives taixzo a reverse-allowing diode
< Kalium> VictoriaB: that's called a zener diode
< VictoriaB> Kalium: yeah but it allows current to pass through at any reverse voltage
< Kalium> ah, yeah, that's a wire
< VictoriaB> Kalium: goddammit stop spilling the secrets I'm trying to patent this
<Agafnd> ...what's the opposite of emo vampire
<bhuddah> lemmy, i would say.
<Agafnd> cheerful pixie
<Agafnd> wait, opposite vampire would spit blood on people at midnight
<Agafnd> ...there's a kind of blood spitting lizard i think?
<bhuddah> oh please.
<Agafnd> apparently this process is known as "autohaemorrhaging"
<Agafnd> so i guess the opposite of a vampire is an autohaemorr-hag! :D
<bhuddah> it's not like you can just balance it out with that kind of action
<Agafnd> i guess not. vampires also sleep in cough-ins
<Agafnd> an autohaemorr-hag, correspondingly, would only cough while awake and out of doors
<CO2> Kalium: also why the fuck doesn't earth have a round number of days in the year
<CO2> come on
<CO2> think about the software devs for once
<barometz> Bucket, as you might have gathered, is not extremely smart
<Bucket> Okay, barometz.
<barometz> ~_~
<barometz> Bucket: forget that
<Bucket> Okay, barometz, forgot that as you might have gathered is not extremely smart
-!- barometz(...) has quit "Quit: kemel update"

-!- barometz(...) has joined #xkcd-compsci
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<multiplexd> barometz: did you update your poorly kerned kernel?
<%barometz> my kemel is in shi pshape
< aazze> I agree but shouldn't it be advertised a bit more?
< rcombs> failing the turing test right out of the gate, I see
< aazze> look, it could be done in different ways but here's the catch: warehouse not
* goost73 gives aazze an apple
< goost73> this is the less-common form of the Turing test <_<
<@Stereo> do you shoot an arrow through it?
< goost73> Stereo: no, that's how you Tell
<airtank> GIVEN UP ON MEE
<airtank> i really love against me
<airtank> ljg is bae
<Bucket> Was that a haiku?
<Bucket> "Ljg Is Bae" would make a good name for a rock band.
<Lisimba> whoa, you triggered two lines of Bucket in one go.
<airtank> i'm fuckin good
<jamesl> "Each degree of latitude is approximately 69 miles (111 kilometers) apart"
<jamesl> nice
<Vulpes> ok that's a good reason to use miles
<taoistextremist> But here's a real question I have about my job search: How come it's easier to get interviews for out-of-state and out-of-country jobs than it is around where I live in Detroit?
<XanT> Outside of Detroit is much bigger than Detroit.
< JoeyLemur>
< Kalium> I have this oneliner
< Kalium> cat /dev/urandom | hexdump -v -e '/1 "%u\n"' | awk '{ split("0,2,4,5,7,9,11,12",a,","); for (i = 0; i < 1; i+= 0.0001) printf("%08X\n", 100*sin(1382*exp((a[$1 % 8]/12)*log(2))*i)) }' | xxd -r -p | aplay -c 2 -f S32_LE -r 16000
< taixzo> Kalium: what does that do? (for those of us not currently on a linux box)
< Kalium> uses urandom as a source of random pure sine notes
< Kalium> notes on the major scale C, iirc
< Kalium> you can muck around with some of the values in the exponential section to adjust the scale and the awk to adjust the notes
< Kalium> it's not quite as cool as the c oneliner, it's got a lot more awk
< taixzo> yeah, it's a bit more awkward
<CO2> Jax185: why did your number increase?
<Jax185> network dropout
<Kalium> Jax185--
-- Jax185 is now known as Jax184
Shadow throws a mad raptor at Bucket
Velociraptors has joined (Dana@########)
Shadow: win!
<nobody> i still don't get tumblr
<Hg> it's like a small glass you drink liquor out of
<Hg> or juice or whatever
<jamesl-qemu> I'm on xkcdb right now, which should confuse relsqui when their analytics show 0.0001% of visits from Windows 3.1
<bubo> I just watched the latest thor movie, completely forgot it was filmed here
<bassgoon> bubo: in #xkcd ?
<TheGhostInTheMachine> yep
<TheGhostInTheMachine> right here in irc
<taixzo> bassgoon: you didn't notice when we had to dress Bucket up as Loki for a week?
<Oracle989> Eevee, Try poking
* Eevee pokes billygoat
<Bucket> OH SHI-
<Oracle989> Hg200, Right?
<Oracle989> !!!!
<Oracle989> Eevee is immortal!
<loudaslife> okay, goat is fuckin broke
<Hg> dammit
* Bucket takes a quarter from Hg and places it in the swear jar.
* Hg steals the swear jar
<Bucket> Dammit!
<multiplexd> dammit, Hg, i was about to do that!
* Hg gives multiplexd half
<multiplexd> \o/
<PoptartMechanic> Easter is always April Fools Day because it celebrates the day when Jesus came back and said "lol April Fools guys, I'm not actually dead!"
<Hg> haha
<Kaslai> But the prank began on Friday...
<Hg> Kaslai: he was apparently a thorough prankster
<PoptartMechanic> Kaslai: it was an elaborate prank that required a lot of setup
<Hg> planned it out carefully
<PoptartMechanic> Pilate was in on the joke
<@barometz> "Is he not your king?" "Crucify him!!" "So hey Jesus, buddy, I got this idea for a prank"
<PoptartMechanic> YES
<PoptartMechanic> "If it's the whole water to wine prank, I've already done that. They fell for it so hard." "Nah, nah! That's easy! Listen here..."
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<multiplexd> barometz: have you successfully reboated?
<multiplexd> barometz: i dunno what that has to do with boats, but it sounds mildly interesting
<@barometz> I don't think boats are involved at all but it went well at any rate
<multiplexd> *thumbs up*
--- billygoat has banned *!~bucket@*
*** Bucket was kicked by billygoat (Goat-ed)
<loudaslife> wait
<loudaslife> what
<loudaslife> did that just happen
<couchy> what's that PEBKEK thing??
<couchy> error between brain and keyboard?
<Jax184> a friend is staying over for a couple days
<Jax184> she noticed a bottle of miracle grow on the bathroom counter (there's a plant in the bathroom window) and commented on how this wasn't the solution to the receeding hairline I've been complaining about
<Jax184> I said "At least I haven't been complaining about the size of my penis"
<nobody> thats ALL i've been complaining about
<Jax184> nobody: the size of my penis?
<nobody> yep, ask anyone
<Jax184> in fairness, "Nobody complains about the size of my penis" sounds like a pretty good endorsement
<loudaslife> Bucket: IRC chemistry advice <reply> No, there are no neon green acids.
<Bucket> Okay, loudaslife.
<Xenos> Aww
<CO2> loudaslife: challenge accepted
<Bucket> safe word is please.
<tonyb486> please
<Bucket> tonyb486 is not in the sudoers file. This incident has been reported.
<@mewyn> Not very safe it seems?
<taixzo> it's very safe! If you use it it locks you out of root commands.
<multiplexd> i got curious and poked your mail server
<Kalium> It's broken isn't it
<multiplexd> well i didn't actually try sending it any mail
<multiplexd> hold my proverbial beer
* Kalium holds a shadowy glass of beer
* multiplexd smacks own mail server over the head and fixes certificate permissions

<multiplexd> oh, i'll have my proverbial beer back now, too
* Kalium passes back the eldritch beer
<CO2> back in the day, the dutch national ... commucation? agency was called PTT. Post, telephone and telegraph
<CO2> when they had to fix cables they'd usually cover their work area with a tent-like tarp so the cables wouldn't get wet and stuff
<CO2> so an old joke is that PTT means "putje graven, tentje zetten, tukkie doen" -> digging a hole, pitching a tent, taking a nap
<Branes> If you ring the Dell Support hotline and a softly-spoken Texas accent answers with "Thankyou for calling Dell support, my name is Michael, how may I help you?" it's probably the boss-man himself - Michael Dell does one morning shift manning the support lines every week.
<loudaslife> I wonder how it feels to be T2 when he escalates a call to you
<barometz> just following the script :P
<barometz> ha, or having to call him back to get something clarified after that escalation
<barometz> "Sorry, can you call back in fifteen? I'm in a meeting with Satya Nadella right now" ".. k"
<rcombs> now imagining that for other companies
<rcombs> "Thanks for calling Apple, this is Tim"
<rcombs> I'd say Google but >google >support
<barometz> ha
<Agafnd> i seem to recall a story of someone calling microsoft and getting a certain William
<rcombs> call oracle and get larry?
<rcombs> call comcast and get anyone vaguely competent
< CO2> relsqui: see, nowadays grocery delivery people are on a SCHEDULE, they need to do 15 more deliveries before lunch, so there's just no time anymore to have a quick go at it
<@relsqui> amazon is killing the domestic tryst
< Vulpes> having sex with the amazon delivery man would indeed be difficult
<@relsqui> Vulpes: they'd just put a sticker on you
<@relsqui> "delivery attempted"
<rcombs> you can experience lesbian undertones by asking a girl who likes girls to strike a tuning fork, then hold it against a piece of paper so it just barely touches every other vibration cycle
< Hg200> after you bsd, linux seems so damn easy
< nobody> i just use windows 10, my friend cortana assures me its the best
< taixzo> "sudo cortana install excel"
< Hg200> "sudo cortana" sounds like the name of a Star Wars character
< Hg200> the infamous Sudo Cortana, wanted in over 20 systems for theft, smuggling, prostitution (offering), prostitution (soliciting), and murder
<loudaslife> "If yes, explain the number of convictions, nature of offense(s) leading to conviction(s), how recently such offense(s) was/were committed, sentence(s) imposed, and type(s) of rehabilitation" and then they give you a TWENTY CHARACTER TEXT BOX
<Rena> loudaslife: ������ ➡����⛓⏰20yr
* Xenos buys a load of spam, rebrands as Canned Mermaid Meat, sells on amazon
<Agafnd> Xenos: predicted review: ★★★★★ i didn't like the taste but it gave me the power to breathe underwater
<Xenos> Agafnd: hehe
<Agafnd> ★ tastes nothing like fresh mermaid
<Xenos> *** Great taste, but why do I have flippers now?
<CatButts> I'm hungry
<Bucket> It's ok, Agafnd is making pancakes!
<Agafnd> ✨✨✨✨✨ maaagical flavor
* Agafnd makes mermaid pancakes
<Xenos> ***** Turns out Ariel was indeed tasty, wh oknew?
<Xenos> *who knew
<Agafnd> Xenos: turns out on the surface they WILL beat you, fry you and eat you in fricassee
<Xenos> Agafnd: Indeed
* CO2 gives Bucket a magic byte
* Bucket is now carrying a magic byte.
<Kalium> imaginary bytes
<Kalium> i00i0ii0
<multiplexd> Kalium: ...O_O that could be a thing
* multiplexd wishes they knew more number theory
<CO2> (mult)*i + (plexd)
<multiplexd> CO2: haha
<Kalium> multiplexd is a complex person
<loudaslife> well that was pretty entertaining
<loudaslife> I arrive at this glass shop, and the first obvious thing to notice is that the roof appears to have been leaking for about a decade
<loudaslife> I would even go so far as to say there was more leak than there was actual roof
<loudaslife> huge sections of the ceiling had either been cut out or collapsed under their own weight
<loudaslife> buckets absolutely everywhere
<loudaslife> I've seen totally abandoned buildings that were in better shape than this
<loudaslife> but sure enough, this very scruffy looking older man literally walks out of the shadows
<loudaslife> the entire back room was pitch dark and he just strolls out
<loudaslife> so we exchange greetings, yada yada, and I ask if he can cut me a 120mm circle out of some 1/8th inch glass. I specified the thickness in inches because that's how it's sold everywhere in this country
<loudaslife> and he looks at me and goes "Uh, I can probably do that if you give it to me in inches"
<loudaslife> "I'm not an engineer"
<loudaslife> so I have to fucking pull out my phone, open the calculator, and convert the diameter to inches for him, because he apparently doesn't know how to do it himself.
<Hg200> translation: all my tools are calibrated for one measurement type and i don't want to fuck around with math for an hour to recalibrate them
<loudaslife> he wouldn't have to recalibrate anything, just convert it first like I did for him.
<loudaslife> literally 120/25.4
<loudaslife> but sure enough, he comes back out with this perfectly cut and polished piece of glass, and charges me one single dollar for it.
<nobody> damn, 1 dollar?
<loudaslife> Yep, $1 for a custom cut piece of glass.
<loudaslife> I guess that explains why he can't afford to fix his roof.
<loudaslife> This identical piece of glass sells for $12 plus shipping on amazon.
<loudaslife> $12.99 actually
<Martin> You know, The Nether Lands sounds like a fantasy place full of dark things.
<ollipoli> A place with water dividing the land, giving them plurality
<ollipoli> A fairly large group of land masses, given that it isn't islands
<Martin> In truth it's cold and full of bicyclists
<loudaslife> aaand cura crashed
<loudaslife> let nobody ever say that 3D printing is easy
<nobody> 3d printing is easy!